Successes and Failures

Image via Wikipedia I have discovered that I might very well define success and failure differently from others.

I set major goals for myself and a lot of minor goals that lead up to the major one. I always allow for flexibility because sometimes life has other plans for us. ;-)

To me, every time I accomplish a goal, even a minor one, it is a success. To me, every time I adapt quickly and well to one of life's curve balls it is a success. To me, every time I take another step forward in progress, learning, or growth it is a success.

I don't view 'failures' as 'failures'. I have learned that from these challenges and setbacks can come some of our greatest successes. In looking back through history, we can see that there were many 'setbacks' before there were 'successes' in inventions, for example. In fact, some inventions came about by accident - the inventor was trying to make something else - so technically that could be classed as a 'failure' since they didn't create what they were aiming for. However, they made something wonderful - so how could that be anything other than a 'success'?

I have learned to view my life as a journey. Every time I have a 'success' it is like coming upon a sign along the way that reads, "You're on the right path - keep going!", and every time I have a 'setback' it is like coming upon a sign that reads, "Wrong way - please take another path" or "Ooops! You're trying to run before you can walk. Please practice walking some more and then come back this way again."

I wasn't always like this. My dysfunctional upbringing taught me to set myself up for 'failure' and to look at 'failure' as end-of-the-world-shameful-humiliation'. I now shake my head in wonder that I ever bought into such nonsense.

Mistakes and setbacks are part of the human condition and part of the life experience. As we learn to put them into their proper perspective, it becomes easier to learn to love and accept ourselves - and others.

Life is a lot sweeter when you set yourself up to succeed.

Measuring by Miles or Time?

As I drove my son to visit with his dad and his dad’s family, I thought about how I measure my travel by time, not miles. Many times I have had people ask me how far one place is from another, and I have answered by a measure of travel time, rather than miles or distance.
Photo by Chance Agrella

In traveling, mileage is irrelevant and meaningless to me. I have a packed schedule, so I have to measure many things by the time I will need in order to accomplish them.

I remembered a favorite movie line of mine. It is the now infamous Raiders of the Lost Ark line uttered, impromptu by Harrison Ford, “It’s not the years, honey, it’s the mileage.”

I turned 40 in August and while age has never really bothered me, I admit to a mini-meltdown of several hours as I reached the big 4-0.

I looked back upon my life and reflected upon how it was not at all what I had planned. At 40, I was not living the life I had planned for myself at younger ages, and I was not living the life I had planned for myself as late as January of this year, just prior to my engagement ending.

As I considered all of these things, I realized in the case of my life, as with travel, I was looking at time and not mileage. I realized the flaw in my thinking, almost immediately.

John Lennon stated that ‘life is what happens [*to you] while you are busy making other plans’, and that is very much a true concept. Regardless of what we want and plan, life seldom cooperates with even the best laid plans. Tragedies and miracles, disappointments and surprises, surround us upon every breath and every step we take.

When I reflect upon my 40 years in mortality, I see that while I may not have accomplished everything I wanted to by this point, I have, in many ways, accomplished things I never dared to dream of even attempting. . .and I have overcome many unexpected and heart-wrenching trials.

In the case of mortality, perhaps the better measure is one of mileage rather than time.


*Mr Lennon has been attributed with saying that quote with and without the ‘to you’ part in it. Just as many sources quoted it with the ‘to you’ as without it. Both were equally represented by reliable sources. I was unable at the time of this posting to verify which version was the original and correct one. If I can verify the correct quote I will note it in this post.


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